Monday, May 28, 2007

I'm Goin' to Yemen

Not Yemen. Tempe. But I'm sure we all remember the Friends episode where Chandler goes to Yemen simply to get away from the woman with the unbelievably annoying voice. What we don't remember is the name of the character. And we'll pretend we also don't remember sitting around for two hours every weekday evening watching Everybody Loves Raymond and Friends reruns on television in Los Angeles in 2004, post DUI, unlicensed to drive, required to attend DUI "school" (one session of which involved watching the Simpsons episode where Homer gets arrested for DUI, which really taught me a very valuable lesson).

The great pleasure of being legally forbidden from driving in Los Angeles involved walking in the balmy night air from my apartment at the intersection of Saturn and La Cienega to the theaters in Culver City to see a movie. Mapquest tells me this was about a 9 mile walk round trip. No wonder I lost 25 pounds, in spite of Icees and buttered popcorn (and the brain fattening fare of Dodgeball and The Day After Tomorrow).

Anyway, the house hunt is on in Tempe. The Weather Channel (online; I no longer even own a television, he lied, avoiding mention of the fact that he still races little cars around thanks to Playstation2 and Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 2, which also consumed countless hours in early sobriety, post jail; the cars are little because the screen is all of 13 inches, he boasted, proud of his alienation from the wasteland) anyway the Weather Channel says it's 98 degrees in Tempe right now, at 7 pm, with a chilly overnight low of 74 degrees in the offing. Bring a sweater. And a body sized chest of ice to climb into every hour, on the hour.

If any of my dear and faithful readers know of improvising musicians in the greater Phoenix metro area and can weasel me a facile intro, I'd appreciate it. The actual relocation looks to be at the end of July, but I just love me some schmooze. Anyone know anything about the Phoenix Creative Music Movement?

I've only ever heard of John Hollenbeck.

If any of you can get me a radio show and a freelance writing job, that would be cool too.

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